How to recognize parent abuse

• hitting, punching, kicking
• shoving and pushing
• yelling
• stealing
• breaking or throwing things, punching holes in walls
• put-downs
• threatening to hurt, maim or kill you, or to run away, commit suicide or otherwise hurt themselves.

How friends and relatives can support parents

• Listen -- most parents need a friend who will listen, often to the same story over and over. Parent abuse can go on for a number of years.
• Be non-judgemental -- hearing blaming messages about where you think they went wrong in their childrearing is not helpful.
• Look for strengths -- parents often feel weak and vulnerable at this time and need ways to feel strong.
• Don't give advice -- helpful messages include, "You don't deserve to be abused. Assault is always a crime, even when your teen is the abuser."
• Know community resources -- sometimes parents need professional or support group help.
• Respect confidentiality.

How to support your teen

Here are some ways parents can help their teens:

• Continue to be clear and consistent about rules, boundaries and consequences, as much as possible.
• Help your teen to find a responsible person to talk to outside the family.
• Continue to reward good, non-abusive behaviour.
• Support your teen by looking after yourself -- try to find other supportive parents to talk to.
• Recognize when enough is enough -- know when to draw the line.

What you can do to raise awareness of parent abuse

Here are some questions you can raise at a workshop:

• Who are the perpetrators, and who are the victims?
  • Does abuse by boys and girls differ in form or frequency?
  • At what ages does the abuse start?
  • How prevalent is this problem?
  • Who is most at risk (mothers, fathers, single parents) and why?
  • What forms does the violence take?
• What causes the abuse?
  • Is there a connection between this and other forms of abuse?
  • Has the teen witnessed violence in the family?
  • Is there a link between this form of violence and violence in the culture?
• How do families cope?
  • Where do parents and teens turn for help? What kind of help do they receive?
  • What strategies have victimized parents found helpful?
  • What resources and tools do parents and counsellors need?
  • How can the abuse be prevented or lessened?

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  The Parent Abuse Project was sponsored by the Family Service Association, the Captain William Spry Community Centre and the Committee Against Woman Abuse. Funding was received from the Family Violence Prevention Division of Health Canada. Two resources are available: a pamphlet for parents and a guide for professionals on the abuse of parents by teenagers. To obtain these resources and an outline for a successful workshop, contact:

  The Parent Abuse Project
  Captain William Spry Community Centre
  10 Kidston Road
  Halifax, NS, B3R 2J7
  Tel: (902) 479-1111, fax: 479-1177

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  The URL for this document is: http://www.ccsd.ca/v_parent.html
  
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