Vis-à-vis, Spring 1996, Volume 13, Number 3: A National Newsletter on Family Violence
Canadian Council on Social Development
Inform Yourself
If the person you're having sex with, or using IV drugs with is abusive, then that person
may not listen to you. They may not do what you need to feel safe. That person is putting
you at risk for getting HIV. If you are experiencing abuse, there are things you can do to
stay healthy and protect yourself.
Abuse...
Abuse is when someone else tries to control what you do, who you see or how you feel about
yourself.
Abuse in a relationship can put you at risk for getting HIV or other viruses and STDs (sexually
transmitted diseases).
HIV is the virus that leads to AIDS.
HIV is transmitted through
- men's semen and pre-cum
- women's vaginal fluid
- breast milk
- menstrual blood
- blood (including blood left in used needles)
Emotional Abuse...
can include put-downs, insults, threats or making fun of you in front of other people.
One woman said,
"When you hear you're stupid, you're ugly, things like that often enough, you begin to
believe it. Then you start to question everything you do. It's crazy-making."
If you're being emotionally abused, you may feel guilty or scared when you try to talk about using
condoms or other latex during sex, or clean needles for injection drug use.
Finding someone you trust to talk to could help you understand your feelings.
One woman said,
"The isolation was the worst part. And once I told someone, I found out I wasn't alone."
Physical Abuse...
can include shoving, slapping, holding you down and other physical controls.
One woman said,
"I asked my partner to use a condom. He got mad, started calling me names, pushing me
around. I was really scared he'd hit me. Later I realized I didn't deserve to be hit. I didn't
have to have sex if I didn't want to."
Physical abuse, or the threat of it, can force you to do things that put you at risk for getting HIV
like not using condoms or other latex during sex, or not using clean needles for injection drug use.
You may feel that your partner will hurt you if you talk about the information on this page.
If you don't feel safe, you are probably right.
It's important to talk about this information, but only if you feel safe.
Sex...
If you are having sex, you are at risk for getting other STDs. To protect yourself during sex...
A latex condom (male or female) is the best protection:
- when you're using sex toys
- when you're having sex (penis/vagina or penis/bum)
A dental dam, non-microwavable saran wrap or a latex condom cut open is the best protection:
- during oral sex with a woman
- rimming (licking bum)
Latex gloves are the best protection:
- when you're inserting fingers.
Sexual Abuse
can include forcing unwanted sex, trying to hurt you during sex or not using latex for protection
during sex.
Some women said that when they tried to talk with their partner about safer sex, that person hurt
them.
Some birth control methods may help reduce your risks. Your partner can't see these:
- Spermicides (contraceptive foam and jelly): Kill some sperm and STD germs, including
HIV. Spermicides are put in the vagina before sex. (Caution: They may irritate the vagina
and can lead to openings in the skin where HIV can enter. Never use spermicide in the
bum area.)
- Diaphragm or cervical cap: Covers the cervix and prevents some sperm and HIV from
entering the cervix and uterus. They don't protect the vagina from sperm and HIV/STDs.
- Lubricant: Can help reduce rips and tears in the vagina and bum during violent or
agressive sex. HIV can enter your body through rips and tears in the vagina and bum.
Try to use a water-based lubricant, like KY Jelly. (Oil-based lubricants can cause infection in
the vagina.) If there is no other lubricant, spit can help lubricate your vagina or bum.
Excerpted with permission from Woman & Abuse, and HIV: Woman and HIV/AIDS, a
pamphlet written by Maria Stanborough, illustrated by Dina Badour and Sandra Robinson, and
published by AIDS Vancouver.
The URL for this document is: http://www.ccsd.ca/v_inform.html
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